Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Wishes for Tomorrow

Some days are harder than others. Some moments, within those days, are harder to endure than anything I ever experienced before Dec. 28, 2012.

Today, Thomas and I were working on his All About Me poster, as he will be Student of the Week. The regular questions were answered. Favorite color is blue. Favorite food is salmon with rice. We picked pictures he wanted to use. The last item of the poster asked him,
"If I could wish one wish, I would wish for..." 
his first answer..."my own iPad" with a big smile. (kids these days!) ;)
I said, "hmm. maybe you should pick something more important."
he looked away from me and  quietly said, "my dad?" 
I noticed his eyes began to tear up and I quickly hugged him. 
"Do you miss your dad?" 
nodding his head, the tears began to fall from the both of us. 
I, hugged him tighter and assured him that it was ok to be sad. That I miss him, too.
After some quiet and sad moments had passed, I asked him if he wanted to put that on his poster. 
He answered, "no. The kids will laugh." 
I began to assure him they wouldn't, but that is something I have no control over. 
I asked him, "well, what is another wish you have?"
"To eat dinner with my WHOLE family again." 
(dinnertime was always a family event. school made it hard for us to always eat as a family, but we tried. We always knew even if it was a quick five min. meal, we had damond's attention for those moments.
I have since developed an aversion to 3 dining tables. 
Our own table, as it has almost 10 years of fun filled family memories. 
My parents table, his absence is too acute.
And his parents table, it's in the room where the nightmare that plays over and over in my head, occurred. 
With that wish, I can see that Thomas, like me, also mourns the loss of family dinnertime. 
"Do you want to write that on your poster?"
shrugging of shoulders. 
and so we wrote, "I wish for my own iPad."

As for me, each morning I wake up wanting to face my fears, but like Thomas, I am not ready to put "eating at dinner table" on my poster, yet. So, I go to bed knowing I have another chance tomorrow.

Our Birthday, Aug. 2011

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