December 27, 2012

Dear Thomas, Alex, and Jacob,

On December 28, 2012 I had to tell you something no mother should have to tell her three sons. I really had no idea what to say or do. I am sorry for that.

I know that in time you will have many questions. I am still trying to find answers, some answers we may never know in this life. I have tried hard to capture as much as I can of that day for when the questions begin.
But for now... I want YOU to focus on:
                                                       DECEMBER 27, 2012

(and really every day before that)

Because in the end, that day will tell you so much more about your dad.

December 27th was a beautiful, Arizona winter day. Your dad had the option of going golfing with his dad, brothers and nephews. But he had made you guys a promise that he would take you to the Castle Park. And your dad NEVER broke a promise, especially to you.  So, he convinced me and your Aunt Suzy to help him take all the little kids to the park. At the park, he did what he always did with you guys. He played with you! He chased you guys. Played hide and seek. Pushed you around and around the tire swing. He ran to the car, twice, for water and pretzels.

Remember: Going to the park with Dad meant a lot of fun, laughter, and smiles. 

When Dad was tired of chasing you, he convinced all the kids that Uncle Dean would buy them a slurpee :) !
We raced Uncle Dean home, but we didn't win. Your dad LOVED his brothers so much! Your dad and uncles loved to make anything into a competition :)
After the park, I had to get ready for my date with your dad, so I am not too sure about what happened during this part of the day. But, if I had to guess... I think your dad was probably reading his Cardiology book. Your dad loved to play with his boys, but he also believed in hard work and being prepared. I tried so hard to convince your dad that our vacation month was just meant to be enjoyed, but it was not in his nature.       For the most part, if your dad had five minutes of free time, he made sure they were productive five minutes. He bought the Cardiology book, because he wanted to be prepared for the first day of his Cardiology rotation. Someone the night before had asked him if he was studying for a test and he said, "no, I just want to  make sure I know what I am doing."

Remember: How much he valued Hard Work!

Due to how hard he worked to accomplish his goal of becoming a doctor, your dad and I didn't get to go on many dates. But he knew how much I had been looking forward to seeing the new Les Mis movie, so he set up a date with Uncle Dennis and Aunt Suzy. I was so excited to finally share this music and story with your dad. I will always treasure the memory of that last date and how he held my hand. Unfortunately, not all of the parts of the movie were " virtuous and praiseworthy" which really bothered us, but he left the movie saying, "hmm. your were right. That was a good story."

Remember: Your dad took me on dates like watching musicals or going dancing, not because that is what he wanted to do, but because he loved me and wanted to make me happy.

We raced home, because we were always so anxious to be back where our boys were.

Thomas, after dinner, your dad was studying his book and keeping me company while I finished tying a quilt  when you asked him to play with you. He chose to play a game with you. The two of you played Uncles Deans' Airplane game with Uncle Dean, Grandpa Farar, Uncle Darren and Danny. You and your dad were on the same team. I don't know if you guys won, but I am grateful that he was able to spend time with just you.

Remember: Your dad, Damond Thomas, LOVES his Thomas VERY MUCH!!!!!!

Alex, when Dad was done playing the game with Thomas, you were tired. You asked him if he would come lay by you. Several times this year, I went to bed before your dad. I would wake up during the middle of the night and not feel your dad on his side. I would think he must have fallen asleep studying only to find him in your bed. The next morning I would ask him why he slept with you boys and he would answer, "I just wanted to be close to my boys." So, it wasn't a surprise when I walked by a little while later to find you and him, asleep, in the midst of the crazy, packed living room floor. I am grateful that he was able to lay by just you.

Remember: Your dad, Damond, LOVES his Alejandro VERY MUCH!!!!!

Jacob, the next thing I remember is that you were not feeling well and had been sick for a couple of days. You kept pointing to your throat. Your dad was worried that it might be Strep. So, he set his alarm for 5:00 AM .  He wanted to have Uncle Dallin take a look at you at the Urgent Care where he works. I know that your dad was tired. But he always put the needs of his boys first. I helped him get your jacket on. He made sure you had your binky and blanky. I am sure that he held you, comforted you, and made you feel safe. His arms were the best for that. I am grateful that he was able to care for you that morning.

Remember: Your dad, Damond, LOVES his Jacob VERY MUCH!!!!!!

I do believe it is a tender mercy from our Father in Heaven that we were able to have one last family outing together and we were each able to spend one on one time with your dad.
So, when the answers or lack of about December 28th are bothering you, I want you to

Remember: December 27th shows you the Dad that loves you. Pray that the memory of that day will comfort you and help you feel your dad's love for you; Thomas, Alejandro, and Jacob.

Love,
Your Mom, who also LOVES you VERY MUCH!!!!!!