Thursday, January 31, 2013

And Life Goes On

Damond Farar!,
         Do you remember that is what I would say when you were in trouble? :)
No Dearest Damond, today! Nope.
 I don't really appreciate the new vocabulary you have brought into my day to day speech:
and the new one for the day:
(actually, they call it a monument... same thing)

I know you are not to blame, no one is, but just know that YOU OWE ME BIG!!! 
I keep thinking about how I should be picking out a frame for your diploma and not a "monument".

I have wondered how many times Heavenly Father has received prayers asking Him to turn back time... 
or I start to think maybe we are in It's a Wonderful Life and we are trying to help someone get their wings.

but then those words come back 
and punch me in the stomach to let me know there is no turning back time 
and this is not a movie
or nightmare/dream.

My mind and heart are in such a daze that sometimes life feels like it's moving at a different speed. So, when something in life pulls me into the current speed, I want to freeze time. But I realize that doesn't do me any good. I don't want to freeze time without you in it. 
ex. Today, while checking your email,
 I saw that your scores for Step 2 Clinical Skills had been posted.
You would have been so excited to see that you 
I wasn't surprised. :)

ex #2 of being brought to current speed
Alex lost his FIRST TOOTH today. 
I didn't even realize it was loose. 
My initial reaction was, "what? how did this happen? He's too little, right? 
monumental events are not supposed to happen anymore, right?

But since I can't turn back time and I don't want to freeze time, life has to go on.
 Without you. :( 

Love you forever,

PS. Alex's version of losing his tooth:
 "I was walking to the car. I was eating my candy when I bite something hard. I spitted it out. When I picked it up, I saw it was my tooth. When Dad comes back alive, can we show him the picture?" -- tears!


Becca said...

Thanks for sharing small moments of your every day burden Adriana. We pray for you, damond and your boys every day. We love you and know that the Lord will continue to help you with this trial.

taryn said...

I thought of you today when I read this by Jeffrey R. Holland:
"In the gospel of Jesus Christ you have help from both sides of the veil, and you must never forget that. When disappointment and discouragement strike—and they will—you remember and never forget that if our eyes could be opened we would see horses and chariots of fire as far as the eye can see riding at reckless speed to come to our protection. They will always be there, these armies of heaven, in defense of Abraham’s seed."
I hope you can feel the help from both sides of the veil as he said. And if not yet, soon.

Kristin said...

Adriana, you are in my toughts and prayers every day. I know your journey is not easy and each day you face things you never dreamed you would have to. I pray that your heart will mend and that you can feel of the Savior's love.