Friday, May 31, 2013

Flying Free

I woke up six months ago, on November 30th, with a smile on my face. Damond teased me there were only a couple of hours left until we would be in my beloved Phoenix. HOME, I was so excited to return home. Our plan: Travel to Phoenix and stay there for over a month. Damond would fly in and out for several interviews, while the boys and I would enjoy the sun, warmth, friends and family.
The icing on the cake? It was Damond's vacation month. He was basically done with all the requirements of 4th year. Once he finished interviewing, we would be coasting to graduation.
I got out of bed ready to finish all the last minute packing details and finish cleaning. Damond always gave me a hard time for wanting the house to be spotless before leaving on a trip. I would tell him, "you never know, someone might need to come in the house or borrow something while we are gone." (or in my case, pack your whole house) We decided the boys would go half day to school and we would pick them up on our way to the airport. We decided to go check in the bags while they were at school. Packing for a month long trip for five people is not easy. A weakness of mine? I am not a good packer! We usually fly Southwest because, "2 bags fly free" :) I usually maximize on that to the heaviest extent possible. Damond gave the curbside check in guy a really good tip. This is something he always did. He knew how important earning tips were. We lived off tips for several years and  he was grateful for that money. I don't really remember too many other details from that morning.
I woke up six months ago, on November 30, not knowing I would never return HOME. I wish I would have cherished that "feeling of HOME" a little longer. You see, for the last five months all I have wanted to do is return HOME, but I have no idea where that is. Indianapolis and Phoenix both no longer feel like HOME. I am on a never ending vacation gone bad. Until I realized that  
I struggle, because half of my heart is in heaven, and the other half is held by my three, beautiful boys. I am not really sure how to create a HOME without him. In fact, that HOME is a tender memory in my heart. The boys and I will have to be strong to define a new meaning of HOME. 
So, the boys and I will continue to "vacation" until we find the peace that enables us to find HOME. 


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