tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84423605082210683062024-03-05T08:48:21.163-07:00Mi Vida y Mis AmoresAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.comBlogger119125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442360508221068306.post-86886035649041018272014-12-28T03:38:00.002-07:002014-12-28T03:38:46.075-07:00What I Want to Remember...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Truthfully, this is not really a day that I want to remember. Unfortunately, some parts of this day are permanently sketched on my brain, while other parts are fuzzy. Some parts of the day I can remember the feelings so vividly they still have the power to knock me down. It's those feelings that make me want to crawl under a rock and wait for the calendar to move. And as much as I would like to do just that, I know its not what the boys would want to do nor is it what Damond would want us to do.<br />
I remember waking up the 29th and not believing that Damond had been gone from the earth for 24hrs. It felt like an eternity. Now, it's been 2 years and I still can't believe I've made it this long without him. As the two year mark approached, I had no idea what I wanted to do with that day. It didn't feel right having another ceremony...the rock idea was out... I considered the ocean, but yesterday it finally came to me...<br />
Due to an order miscommunication my family and I ended up with five rather large containers of soup. As I looked at the large amount of soup we had, I knew that it needed to go to some homeless people. As we drove around looking for kind, soup beneficiaries I couldn't help but remember Damond and his ability to serve his fellow man. He never let an opportunity pass to help someone in need. The humble guy in Damond would not have wanted me/people talking about his accomplishments and greatness, he would want me to remember, "because I have been given much, I, too must give."<br />
On December 28th, 2012 the boys and I felt like we had lost everything! But what I want to remember from that day is that we did not. I do remember the love from not only a loving Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ, but of family and friends. I remember hugs, prayers, messages all sent to us from scattered distances. I remember quiet acts of service that did not go unnoticed, but made life just a little easier for a grieving family.<br />
As we finished passing out the soup, I remembered a <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/13/tear-jerker-truemove-thai-commercial_n_3922857.html">Thai commercia</a>l about a man who gives some soup to a needy child. This commercial had so many similarities to Damond that I decided I wanted to spend the 28th passing out more soup. I hope that anyone else that has a fond memory of Damond will feel prompted to give some warm soup to someone in need.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442360508221068306.post-66633982422006516162014-08-23T00:28:00.000-07:002014-08-23T00:28:22.005-07:00Life Is A Game of Inches<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Happy Birthday, Damond!<br />
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For me, our birthday=survivor's guilt.<br />
It's hard. I still think you would have been the more ideal choice to raise the boys.<br />
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We went to the cemetery. We brought you flowers and letters. I had each of us write you a gift. A goal or service we wanted to include you in for this year. Did you hear the boys as they whispered, "we love you, dad. We miss you."<br />
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We went and watched <u>When the Game Stands Tall.</u> When I saw that a football movie was coming out on your birthday, I knew we had to go. It was good, not <u>Remember the Titans</u> good, but I still liked it.<br />
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"Don't let a game define who you are. Let the way you live your lives do that." -- <u>When the Game Stands Tall</u><br />
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That quote reminded me of a talk you gave several years ago (this is only a small portion, if you would like the full version I will gladly send it to you)<span style="text-align: center;">... </span><br />
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"<span style="color: black; font-family: 'Arial Narrow', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">You have certainly heard the oft quoted line that “</span><i style="font-family: 'Arial Narrow', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: black;">Life is a game of inches,” </span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Arial Narrow', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">and I submit to you that it is.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Arial Narrow', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Arial Narrow', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">It is not the big play in life or that one giant hurdle that we must overcome that is going to determine who we are and measure our ability to endure, but it is making the small daily decisions to stay true to the gospel, it is choosing the right when everyone else seems to be heading in the other direction, its kneeling in prayer for guidance morning and night, and studying the scriptures for wisdom that is going to gives us the strength to press forward and keep our covenants.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Arial Narrow', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Arial Narrow', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Then, if a big play needs to be made, or the insurmountable obstacle needs to be overcome, it will seem but minor to us as we have practiced and prepared for such a moment.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Arial Narrow', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: 'Arial Narrow', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I bear testimony that enduring to the end is not a passive process, but rather an active commitment that we make each and every day.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Arial Narrow', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Arial Narrow', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I know that some days it may come easier than others, but on those tough days I pray that we will always remember one inch at a time and However Long and Hard the road.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Arial Narrow', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Arial Narrow', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Lastly, and most importantly, even though we may exit the straight and narrow path there is always an on ramp back on and that is through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Arial Narrow', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial Narrow, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I know that he lives and that he is our Savior and I know that we have a Father in Heaven who is supporting us the entire way and I leave these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ amen." -- </span><span style="font-family: Arial Narrow, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Damond Farar</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Arial Narrow', sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: black;">On your birthday, I am grateful that you lived your life one extraordinary inch at a time! We love you!!</span></span></div>
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Grateful to all our friends and family that thought of us this day! </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442360508221068306.post-62893853294753836222014-08-10T00:47:00.000-07:002014-08-10T00:47:03.050-07:00Love Like Crazy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Damond always made me the best homemade cards! </div>
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This year I decided to do it for him and me :) </div>
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I am nowhere near as good as he was! But it was therapeutic:/</div>
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I sure miss that guy!</div>
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Go give the person you love a hug, because I can't :(</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442360508221068306.post-87014484338550561722014-06-15T23:49:00.002-07:002014-06-15T23:49:16.742-07:00Giant of a ManFather's Day... hmm it's a toughie:/<br />
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Last year, I specifically planned to be on the road. I didn't want to be around people and I was unsure of how the boys would do with a day filled full of talking about dads. But I didn't want to completely forget about the day. After all, they do have a remarkable father. And I never want them to forget that!! I knew that we would be touring the Redwood Forest. I decided that we would celebrate Damond in those magnificent trees. I told them it was Father's Day and that it was ok to be sad and miss their dad. But that I wanted them to remember that their dad was like the Amazing Trees we were surrounded by. He was a GIANT of a man, who stood tall, not because of his height, but the way in which he lived his life. (and he was also really fun to climb all over in play) ;)</div>
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Redwood National Park June 2013</div>
This time I didn't allow myself to let us go hide in a forest of trees (haha), but I did want to emphasize another great quality of their dad. I decided to take the boys to the medical school. When Damond and I first toured IU, I remember we walked past a wall of pictures. <span style="text-align: center;">In each frame were individualized pictures of a certain years' graduating class. I remember commenting to Damond that within four short years, his picture would be there. I told the boys that I wanted them to remember that Damond's picture is hanging in that school, because he believed in hard work! He worked hard in all that he did. </span><br />
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(Indiana University School of Medicine June 2014)</div>
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Father's Day is a tough day, especially when Jacob puts his arms around your neck and says, "I want my dad" and wants to stay in the medical school trying to find his dad. But we made it through the day and are so grateful for their AMAZING Father and his long-lasting example.<br />
I continue to be grateful for the amazing father figures that have stepped in and been there for my boys. Be it grandfathers, uncles, Home Teachers, family friends, Coaches, what you think may be small acts, will have deep effects on their happiness, growth and development.<br />
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<span style="text-align: center;"> South Padre Island June 2014</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442360508221068306.post-7572120654149939622014-04-20T19:37:00.001-07:002014-04-20T20:38:22.648-07:00#Because of Him<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">It’s been 15 months. 15 Long, Hard Months. I often look back at the time and think, “how is that possible? What have I done and accomplished with that time?” Upon reflection, I see that I (and the boys) have had to do many hard things. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">hard things:</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">hearing the words, “he didn’t make it” those words ring in my ears</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">having to tell the boys their dad died</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Feeling so helpless as I held them while they cried</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">His funeral </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Touching his hands one last time</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Having to walk away from his body so he could be buried</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Moving out of our home filled with memories</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">watching two little boys walk to school, thinking, “they are too little to be without their dad”</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">holidays, birthdays, family events</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">receiving his diploma that he worked so hard for</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">holding them, as they cry “that they miss their daddy”</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">not sleeping, because the bed is so empty</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">seeing someone in scrubs</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">being so physically and emotionally exhausted, when they ask you to sing them goodnight, you just want to say, “go to bed”</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">moving into our new home without him</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 11px; letter-spacing: 0px;">watching the boys play </span><span style="font-size: 11px;">football/sports without him</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">making family decisions without his input</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The list could go on, but this is what I want the boys to know. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b>I have done hard things, but not of my own strength! </b></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">As I have faced each of these hard things, I have thought, “I can’t do this. This is too hard. This is too much!”</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">See the real me, the weak me, is the one that sobs in the shower or stoplight. The one that crawls into bed, because I can’t continue. The real me, answers, “go to bed.” instead of singing. The real me has a hard time finding the old me who was happy, kind, patient, fun, loving.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">But inevitably, just like in the hospital when strong arms surrounded me and held me up when I couldn’t stand, a still, small voice whispers in my heart, </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b>“Jesus said unto him, “if thou canst believe, all thing are possible to him that believeth.”</b></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b> Mark 9:23</b></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">If there is anything I learned while sobbing at stoplights, it's this...</span></div>
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I am not the only one that cries at stop lights. </div>
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Every one has their own trials. </div>
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Jesus Christ is there for each one of us. </div>
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He loves each one of us. </div>
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He weeps with us over our sorrows,</div>
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and smiles with our joys. </div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Lucky for me, the real me doesn’t have to do this alone. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I have never been alone. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Even during the darkest moments, my Savior Jesus Christ has been there for me. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">It Because of Him that I can face each day. It is “Because of Him” that I know I will see Damond again. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">It is “Because of Him” that I know Families Are Forever. </span></div>
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<b><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Happy Easter Sunday!</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span></b></div>
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<object class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="https://ytimg.googleusercontent.com/vi/_S3TI4bYerU/0.jpg" height="266" width="320"><param name="movie" value="https://youtube.googleapis.com/v/_S3TI4bYerU&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><embed width="320" height="266" src="https://youtube.googleapis.com/v/_S3TI4bYerU&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Enjoy <a href="http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_S3TI4bYerU">this video </a>as it testifies of the Savior I love!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11px; letter-spacing: 0px;">I am sometimes asked, “if it’s getting easier.” Another widow friend of mine answered it best, “its not that it gets easier or hurts less. It's that my grieving muscles have become stronger.”</span><span style="font-size: 11px; letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442360508221068306.post-80109836926616029512014-01-24T13:19:00.004-07:002014-01-24T14:39:20.924-07:00It Will Be YouToday, as I snuggled with Jacob (he's not feeling great), you spoke to me through a movie... a song.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJT5UnX9tYPYV-hj9ZmhJSEHAWuV2lmTqNuBbxqthyphenhyphenl-lc4XkXuuYA5rrl4etI9QHlXwODVVjk6IHLAQb19Dnb5CkfO1KKliSdC6XAC4iFTxeUjXERrgLrIBeTvK1TZQSV09m_3PSPhi4/s1600/DSC08032+edit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJT5UnX9tYPYV-hj9ZmhJSEHAWuV2lmTqNuBbxqthyphenhyphenl-lc4XkXuuYA5rrl4etI9QHlXwODVVjk6IHLAQb19Dnb5CkfO1KKliSdC6XAC4iFTxeUjXERrgLrIBeTvK1TZQSV09m_3PSPhi4/s1600/DSC08032+edit.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="color: orange; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Ocean City, Maryland May 2011</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>"<span style="color: blue;">If you hear a voice in the middle of the night<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Sayin' it'll be alright</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />It will be me</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>If you feel a hand guiding you along<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />When the path seems wrong<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />It will be me</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>There is no mountain that I can't climb<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />For you, I'd swim through the rivers of time<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />As you go your way and I go mine<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />A light will shine<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />And it will be me</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>If there is a key that goes to your heart<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />A special part<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />It will be me</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>If you need a friend<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Call out to the wind<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />To hold you again<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />It will be me</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: blue;">Oh, how the world seems so unfair<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Creating a love that can not be shared<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />As you go your way and I go mine</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />A light will shine<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />And it will be me</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Past the ever after, there's a place for two<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />In your tears of laughter<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I'll be there for you</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>In the sun and the moon<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />In the land and the sea<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Look all around you<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />It will be me</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>There is no mountain that I can't climb<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />For you I'd swim through the rivers of time<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />As you go your way and I go mine<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />A light will shine<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />And it will be me</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>It will be me<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />It will be me"</b></span></div>
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Brother Bear 2 </div>
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"It Will Be Me"-Melissa Etheridge</div>
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<b><span style="color: red; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>MISSING YOU ALWAYS!</i></span></b></div>
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<b><i><span style="color: red; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"We're always going to be bestfriends, huh?"</span></i></b></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442360508221068306.post-36357868587082030242013-12-28T08:22:00.002-07:002013-12-28T08:22:43.809-07:00100 MPH<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-Wyxw0RR9BGkR7JHlkitR93RB9-42_1geLGJsicyfNQAqr90wvhCTb4_UevPWXt7N6402RCa3zf-oyQ-6nGSaqlr8_fC2og30RKxBb96H4lXuLSn-dcpFhNw5lII-gxR3ilfBhDCaxfs/s1600/DSCN0242.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-Wyxw0RR9BGkR7JHlkitR93RB9-42_1geLGJsicyfNQAqr90wvhCTb4_UevPWXt7N6402RCa3zf-oyQ-6nGSaqlr8_fC2og30RKxBb96H4lXuLSn-dcpFhNw5lII-gxR3ilfBhDCaxfs/s400/DSCN0242.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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We drove down to Yuma today. I was remembering our drive to Yuma last year. It was Christmas day. We had opened Santa gifts that morning. Your dad called all his siblings and parents. I remember thinking it a little funny that he did that, because we were would see almost all of them in a couple of hours. He sure loved his family!!! We convinced you guys to leave your new toys from Santa, with a promise that you guys could play with them when we came back. Little did we know that you would not open them for another year!<br />
We quickly played a couple more rounds of Nertz. I was the Champion that day, I even beat Diego! ;) It was one of the only games that I could beat your dad at! But he was always a good sport, but you could almost see his competitive soul trying to figure out a way to get faster! Thomas, you had just learned how to play the game. Your dad encouraged you to try hard, but when you asked if we would just let you win one time, he said, "no!" We all had a good chuckle, knowing it was in part to his competitive self, but more importantly he knew you would become a great player as long as you worked hard at it!<br />
I stayed up really late the night before fulfilling my Santa duties. :) I eventually fell asleep in the car. I woke up to see your dad reading his Cardiology book! That made me sit up real fast. "Damond Farar! What are you doing?!" "He turned to me and said, "no one is on the road! I have been going 100 mph for the last 45 min." <br />
"You are going 100 mph AND reading a book?! Damond, you put that book down and slow down." (it was not normal for Damond to go <em>that</em> fast)<br />
I know he wanted to keep studying, but he did what I asked. I soon fell asleep again. The next time I woke up, he was still going 100 mph, but no longer reading and driving. He began to describe the beauty of the desert. I thought it interesting due to the fact that we always argued about its beauty. While living in Indiana, he would always comment on how much he loved all the green! I would respond that yes, the grass was nice, but I dearly loved the desert. He thought the desert too brown. (His main reason for loving grass was playing football on it) <br />
He told me about how beautiful the mountains looked with their jagged outlines against the blue sky. He noticed the different colors of each plant. <br />
As I reflected on this, I realized that sometimes life is going 100 mph around us, but hopefully we can take the time to see its beauty. Even though our schedules may be packed, we can enjoy the people that surround our lives. Take time today to hug the people you love and tell them how much you love them. We never know when we may go from 100 mph to 0. <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442360508221068306.post-67088116227725810162013-12-22T03:51:00.002-07:002013-12-22T03:51:39.489-07:00Blue Hats to Blue UniformsA couple of days ago, my brother sent me the link to this <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIEIvi2MuEk">West Jet Christmas video</a>. I immediately started crying as I watched these people in Blue Santa Hats go and buy what the travelers wanted for Chrstmas, from iPads to socks ;) By the end of the video, I wanted to be a Blue Santa Hat.<br />
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Well, today the boys had their wishes come true, not by Blue hats, but Blue uniforms. They were selected to participate in Shop with a Cop. Lucky for us, our cop happened to be Damond's bestfriend, Matt. It was so amazing to watch as this HUGE ballroom filled up with Police Officers giving of their free time to participate in the program. I wish I had taken more pictures of Jacob walking up to different officers and asking for a sticker. :) Many, like Matt, were even coming straight from work!<br />
After breakfast, the officers drove the kids to Walmart. The boys had so much fun riding in Matt's police truck! The most touching scene for me was while we were driving. We drove in a procession and it was so neat to see so many cop cars with their lights on in front of us and then to look back and see many more cop cars. It meant so much to me to know that Matt and other police officers were doing this for my children and so many others. It truly was amazing!<br />
As I drove the boys home, I tried to talk to them about their many blessings. I explained what a huge event they had attended. So many people worked hard to bring cheer to their Christmas. I then asked the boys to think of a way to pay this kindness forward...<br />
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Thomas: "Jacob, who's the best?" Jacob: "Matt!" :) </div>
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Jacob did not want to get too close! ;)</div>
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Damond loved doing Ride Alongs with Officer Matt. I have no doubt Damond is right there with them!</div>
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As I reflect on today and my desire to be a Blue Hat Santa, I realized our year had been full of "blue hat Santas!"<br />
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May 2010<br />
I was pregnant with Jacob and sick, sick, sick! I spent most of the day lying down trying not to throw up. Damond had just finished first semester and was so excited to be able to spend time outside with his boys. They would play ALL DAY LONG! I was so grateful to finally have him home! Grateful he could finally help with the boys! But one day, tired of feeling SO crummy, I started to feel resentment that he spent ALL day outside without me. (I know, huge pity party! never said I was perfect!) Damond would come in periodically and tell me all about the neighbors, who they were, what they were like. During my pity party, I started to wonder why he spent all his time talking to the neighbors and not me? Me, the one who had been waiting a whole year to have my husband back. That night, tired of my pity party, I asked him.<br />
His answer, "My number one reason for talking to the neighbors is for you and and the boys. I need to know that when I am not here, you guys are safe."<br />
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December 2013<br />
<br />
Well, Damond, I want you to know that, because of your ability to love everyone as your neighbor,the boys and I have been well taken care of this past year.<br />
Your family and my family have taken care of us, not just because they love us, but because they love you! Our friends and family, and IU, have taken care of us all year long, but especially as they rallied behind the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/TheEverythingSalefortheFararfamily">event</a> <span style="text-align: center;">on March 9th. Your love, kindness, and friendship towards others has inspired so many to take care of us this past year. </span><br />
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Full of gratitude today for the blue hat Santas in our life, especially Damond!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4bHtX2eB0YmZG0-iPwDnq2uzQDAd6Ks1QNB8Lcet1IyVH7wP_dsMvJltwVs1XlijtoGrkPZNFHsEFOmY2cMlEQKIdMCrW_fn2HEjmdvKfCD7BjuuZkZbYLIv7t6uILzy-fmapWn-DP4o/s1600/Matt+and+Damond.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4bHtX2eB0YmZG0-iPwDnq2uzQDAd6Ks1QNB8Lcet1IyVH7wP_dsMvJltwVs1XlijtoGrkPZNFHsEFOmY2cMlEQKIdMCrW_fn2HEjmdvKfCD7BjuuZkZbYLIv7t6uILzy-fmapWn-DP4o/s320/Matt+and+Damond.jpg" width="320" /></a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442360508221068306.post-9897572944316277742013-10-27T02:35:00.000-07:002013-10-27T02:37:09.137-07:00A Hero's Homecoming Surprise<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Recently, I was driving in the car with my SIL. She was telling me about all of the awful things she had seen on the news and how it makes one not want to watch the news. But how, the news also, shared some "feel good stories." I asked what they were.<br />
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She began describing how a soldier came home from a tour and surprised his son on the football field by dressing up in the opposing teams jersey. As soon as the dad takes off his helmet, the kid begins to cry.<br />
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As my SIL is telling me this story, my mind is making up a mental image. Of course, my brain has no idea who the people in her story are so, it substitutes Thomas and Damond. I, of course, start crying. My heart wants more than anything for that to be true for my boys (and me). I can (and have) imagined the joy the boys would feel (will feel) to see their dad again.<br />
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My SIL started to apologize for sharing that story, but I told her it was ok. That is a beautiful story. We will just have to wait a lifetime to get our own special reunion.<br />
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On Thursday, we were driving home from school. Alex said, "mom! I had the best dream last night. This is what happened. I didn't know Dad was back alive, but you, me and Thomas were coming home from Mimi's house. We walked into the house and Jacob was with Dad. I ran to him and jumped up and gave him a big hug. I was so happy to see him. (long pause) But then Thomas woke me up" The smile in his voice as he told me this story broke my heart. I told him I was sorry that he had to wake up from such a dream. I know what that is like.<br />
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Friday Night, the boys were sorting their candy from a Trunk or Treat. Thomas said, " mom, if dad were alive I would give him these Reese's Pieces. Remember, they were his favorite?"<br />
I replied, "yes, they were. That is so nice of you." As I walk away, I hear him say, "I know! For Christmas, I am going to ask Santa for my dad to come back. So, I will save these and give these to Dad later."<br />
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Everyday, I want more than anything to give the boys their own Hero Homecoming Surprise. Every night, I feel so guilty, because I didn't.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/kyyR6lrI65s?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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I found this other one, as I was searching for the one above. It hit closer to home, as the boy is closer to Thomas' age.</div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/gsPYr5kiv0w?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe><br />
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sometimes <b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="http://www.mividaymisamores.blogspot.com/2008/09/cuteness.html">THIS</a> </span>(scroll to the bottom of the post for the video)</b> video, seems like yesterday</div>
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other times, it feels like another life too painful to recognize.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442360508221068306.post-77895481041273204752013-09-17T00:12:00.002-07:002013-09-17T00:14:29.517-07:00The Great Trip (the first leg)<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">The "Great" Trip</span></div>
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<strong>7 States </strong></div>
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<strong>AB, Canada</strong></div>
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<strong>Multiple National Parks</strong></div>
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<strong>over 5500 miles</strong></div>
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<strong>over 90 hours in the car</strong></div>
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<strong>all in 45 days.</strong> <br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Times;">(The First Leg)</span></em></div>
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<em><u>Camping in the Laguna Mountains with Farar and Brown Families</u></em> </div>
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We played with cousins, ziplined, boy scouted, sang, popped popcorn, How can I have s'more when I haven't had any?, looked at stars, ate delicious food, got dirty as possible? Success :) </div>
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Wreck it! Ralph </div>
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Too much cuteness!</div>
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Learning from the Master Chef</div>
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Awesome Zip line</div>
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Working together</div>
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<em><u>Where do you go when you want to clean up from camping?Mission Beach</u></em><br />
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Troublemakers!</div>
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Cheetos and sand? Yum!</div>
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Cute kids everywhere!</div>
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Cousins:)</div>
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How I felt as I began to drive Highway 1... </div>
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all by myself...</div>
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with three boys!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442360508221068306.post-23263899719052374722013-08-27T00:34:00.001-07:002013-08-27T00:34:09.269-07:00Just Smile"Peace begins with a smile." - Mother Teresa<br />
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Last week, a friend of mine knew how important it was for me to honor Damond by doing service. <br />
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(Newport, OR June 2013)</div>
<br />
She sent out the following email:<br />
"Tomorrow August 22nd is both Adriana and Damond Farar's birthday. In honor of Damond's life that was always the embodiment of Christ-Like service, please find a way to perform an act of kindness or provide a service for another, either tomorrow or over the next couple of weeks. After completing your service, please share your experience with Adriana through an email or letter. If you capture a photo of your service, please also pass along to Adriana. All who knew Damond, knew that although he had an infectious outward smile, it was only a side effect of his beaming heart. His love for His Savior and his fellow men was evident in every aspect of his life - it is his legacy. Please find a way to keep his legacy flowing!"<br />
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It warms my heart to read the emails. It makes me happy to see that families are doing this together. Damond knew that the best way to teach the boys about service was to bring them along and have them work beside him. <br />
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With my focus on service, I recalled a story about a smile.<br />
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Damond always teased me that I remember EVERYTHING! I would often ask him, "Do you remember what we were doing on such and such date, around this time? And what were we wearing?" :) <br />
He never remembered anything (hence, so many forgotten anniversaries ) ;-) I, on the other hand, could even remember what we were wearing.<br />
But there was one time I did not remember. He asked me once, if I remembered when I smiled at him. Apparently, it was the Sunday after we had met. He still did not know many people at church. He said he remembered looking over at me, we made eye contact and I smiled from across the room. He said it made his day a little brighter.<br />
I cannot remember any of that, but it always stood out to me that he did.<br />
<br />
Mother Theresa said, "Peace begins with a smile." <br />
As I look back, I think, maybe, that smile was the beginning of our friendship. <br />
I have received emails about service big and small. I think that with each act, somewhere in the exchange a smile was given, often even two smiles were shared. <br />
Sometimes, even just a friendly smile, can have an eternal impact on another's life. <br />
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"Love in action is service." - Mother Teresa<br />
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I think kids are the best examples of "giving" smiles :)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbX2Q8tj_YUTMRpHKOXnLRntnp2Ftmai27P7y7KVYP0SErKxDeiEUM_msFrhk12cJXi0MPvEzBQiu17gFxNDfRWv7tXEccXPadIaV0Sd1T0HCZOBditeRibnxBVK9aWeRfNCDCLzrfFm4/s1600/DSC_0641.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbX2Q8tj_YUTMRpHKOXnLRntnp2Ftmai27P7y7KVYP0SErKxDeiEUM_msFrhk12cJXi0MPvEzBQiu17gFxNDfRWv7tXEccXPadIaV0Sd1T0HCZOBditeRibnxBVK9aWeRfNCDCLzrfFm4/s320/DSC_0641.JPG" width="212" /></a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEingg1mSJNTa65QWc-LoTVxh9HD_swCImeqoeWfj2IgfgMDAD7injV42pYDJjcxzyvTgLGPwnBp59XZ4peLrMaESfGCiWjt99gabS_XAO2nxtE6FikqFFvUkTKA6L0CdHy9KPdgkVAeeOs/s1600/DSC_0756.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEingg1mSJNTa65QWc-LoTVxh9HD_swCImeqoeWfj2IgfgMDAD7injV42pYDJjcxzyvTgLGPwnBp59XZ4peLrMaESfGCiWjt99gabS_XAO2nxtE6FikqFFvUkTKA6L0CdHy9KPdgkVAeeOs/s320/DSC_0756.JPG" width="212" /></a><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442360508221068306.post-24434815837153462122013-08-23T01:44:00.000-07:002013-08-23T01:56:11.986-07:00The Shooting RangeToday I went to the Shooting Range...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtEUArSAPfa3xjxMm72I807uCDxJT89AWqRxH6QTLvrGlsz87qc9x9iNcX7XQYZpdvYhGDrfxeJ91JFAyBsATc_oYvEy8mc8imMOc5tX4Wa9SrSybifz8gA_hwKnim8arydj_ekRTLugU/s1600/DSC_0016.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtEUArSAPfa3xjxMm72I807uCDxJT89AWqRxH6QTLvrGlsz87qc9x9iNcX7XQYZpdvYhGDrfxeJ91JFAyBsATc_oYvEy8mc8imMOc5tX4Wa9SrSybifz8gA_hwKnim8arydj_ekRTLugU/s320/DSC_0016.JPG" width="320" /></a><br />
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<strong>Feb. 2003</strong><br />
I was driving in the car with several friends. Damond was one of them. We had known each other for less than a month. Kaliska asked him when was his birthday. He replied, "<span style="color: red;">August 22nd</span>." I quickly looked in the mirror, "<span style="color: cyan;">no it's not. That's my birthday</span>!" He laughed, "<span style="color: red;">that's my birthday.</span>" "<span style="color: cyan;">Did you get into my wallet? Are you looking at my DOB?</span>" I just could not believe we had the same birthday! <br />
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<strong>August 22, 2003</strong><br />
We had been married less than two weeks. I woke up to a gory, bloody eye in my face. "<span style="color: red;">Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I busted my eye open playing basketball</span>. ( I would find out later this was a common occurrence w/him). <span style="color: red;"> I just don't want you to worry, since I don't know how long I will be gone</span>." Waking up, "<span style="color: cyan;">Are you ok? Let me get dressed. I will go with you."</span><br />
"<span style="color: red;">no, no. I don't want to ruin your birthday. Don't worry. I will be back </span><span style="color: red;">soon.</span>" <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyfovjJub8c_a5HbHL2fNJg_IdeLG07u2OXAM3MBNlUIdbQl7l7H3u3jF_px59RS2gCHfBL9RU77m8SgMFLVmyPYHBru35HJp6alJObbmPCu_XWm3bRpcgTZOYfFrp8fmysxIwnlg1x4w/s1600/Aug.+2003-+Mar.+2006_0005.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><br />
He did not let me go. I came out of the room to find a dozen beautiful roses.<br />
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<br />
It is something quite special to share your birthday with your bestfriend!<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyfovjJub8c_a5HbHL2fNJg_IdeLG07u2OXAM3MBNlUIdbQl7l7H3u3jF_px59RS2gCHfBL9RU77m8SgMFLVmyPYHBru35HJp6alJObbmPCu_XWm3bRpcgTZOYfFrp8fmysxIwnlg1x4w/s1600/Aug.+2003-+Mar.+2006_0005.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyfovjJub8c_a5HbHL2fNJg_IdeLG07u2OXAM3MBNlUIdbQl7l7H3u3jF_px59RS2gCHfBL9RU77m8SgMFLVmyPYHBru35HJp6alJObbmPCu_XWm3bRpcgTZOYfFrp8fmysxIwnlg1x4w/s320/Aug.+2003-+Mar.+2006_0005.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
We celebrated in the back of his pickup overlooking Camelback Mountain<br />
He would always make me such awesome elaborate homemade cards and give me beautiful roses! We would spend the day trying to make it special for the other person. Though, there was one year we each forgot to make a cake for the other person. So, we had no cake ;) <br />
<br />
<strong>August 22, 2013</strong><br />
I had been dreading this day since Thomas came to me on Dec. 29th sad that his Dad would not be there for his birthday or for his own. He asked me how we would celebrate his Dad. <br />
<br />
I wanted to ignore the day, but I knew Thomas would be upset when he realized we had not celebrated his Dad's (and mine) birthday. <br />
I knew I would not be in the mood to celebrate, but we could do something to honor their dad. We decided that each year, we would do a service project to honor a man we love dearly and was dedicated to serving others. We will be planting flowers at the boys' school and cleaning up garbage at the cemetery.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX7cLDUiR6BDYBYyZq9V9kFzJMK78dIW_krj4tAfT-E-6rgIJQl5CB-jm7Z2mOYPGlHpkJnHQ8n0_jwoWGQGg2VbuFWqaDMZGpDtTXdCbqD2o9QpBi2vPoSNJS90qx_nJejH0rMILyk1Y/s1600/DSC_0035.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX7cLDUiR6BDYBYyZq9V9kFzJMK78dIW_krj4tAfT-E-6rgIJQl5CB-jm7Z2mOYPGlHpkJnHQ8n0_jwoWGQGg2VbuFWqaDMZGpDtTXdCbqD2o9QpBi2vPoSNJS90qx_nJejH0rMILyk1Y/s320/DSC_0035.JPG" width="212" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I decided that today would be a good day to take the boys back to the cemetery for the first time. We wrote letters to Damond and left them with the flowers. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigP32pyWZswojTU1qF9QspzMdI7eCYiXheUXvlaGYNdfarJg3UE3FEqKVBFzaRK7vhb-xmMUyAO6XRRLZcJ5oWKXeqd4zTgyjGZBM9k0RGCDZn3Gek33vKSRDc_3NVpuVH92w7gSUviOY/s1600/DSC_0025.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigP32pyWZswojTU1qF9QspzMdI7eCYiXheUXvlaGYNdfarJg3UE3FEqKVBFzaRK7vhb-xmMUyAO6XRRLZcJ5oWKXeqd4zTgyjGZBM9k0RGCDZn3Gek33vKSRDc_3NVpuVH92w7gSUviOY/s320/DSC_0025.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX7aQ2tYZv8tsiyYA9rPj5PEBwLahS4XIl1EySx-vqyBW8MDE8JbdNDxDhTCkx_WY-AjibZzDO8Wy1Smis_ph4Qzrgw0-gdTtro_UnChiVpqnzjOW7STH70uqQTfDvVAgiNO8E7wYtrZA/s1600/DSC_0026.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX7aQ2tYZv8tsiyYA9rPj5PEBwLahS4XIl1EySx-vqyBW8MDE8JbdNDxDhTCkx_WY-AjibZzDO8Wy1Smis_ph4Qzrgw0-gdTtro_UnChiVpqnzjOW7STH70uqQTfDvVAgiNO8E7wYtrZA/s320/DSC_0026.JPG" width="320" /></a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMOAqhz2MPtw_4p987tJmX7IvSzoKHyzDjr151A55sKhmtRYCmbNbMAdCDre7HOVQ0buXt8txC0y7ZkRRZmvD-W5j2KiMqMwCBnboqqTa9nAyGJoTznI63pYYOIAXPSRDiHxDq5ECdGAo/s1600/DSC_0027.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMOAqhz2MPtw_4p987tJmX7IvSzoKHyzDjr151A55sKhmtRYCmbNbMAdCDre7HOVQ0buXt8txC0y7ZkRRZmvD-W5j2KiMqMwCBnboqqTa9nAyGJoTznI63pYYOIAXPSRDiHxDq5ECdGAo/s320/DSC_0027.JPG" width="320" /></a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3Ngkxn2cSrzz4KhuYLuWAScN5ACaswvhyphenhyphenIWcSBqh-XybQRs-xpVKoMuCCZP3xIx1LzQJATk9K84TErRgWVTpZ-OJ3M0UaOKLqTyO3DxV9NZYwXAt7R-ySTKqXZK-xr3DyDjwQxz6gnUk/s1600/DSC_0060.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3Ngkxn2cSrzz4KhuYLuWAScN5ACaswvhyphenhyphenIWcSBqh-XybQRs-xpVKoMuCCZP3xIx1LzQJATk9K84TErRgWVTpZ-OJ3M0UaOKLqTyO3DxV9NZYwXAt7R-ySTKqXZK-xr3DyDjwQxz6gnUk/s320/DSC_0060.JPG" width="212" /></a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYQ4sO3V1fukFcDBtL72a278NKRbuHcz1nWGrFvJ5zxamunDtWq20rIyphsqElIPCmRMFcntIXa5A7Wq4GObvQF2tdl4ANwxc7-hOGZS1heEVo-6g4G-t6r-zgMV_TjPgsPAY60iSzaQc/s1600/DSC_0077.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYQ4sO3V1fukFcDBtL72a278NKRbuHcz1nWGrFvJ5zxamunDtWq20rIyphsqElIPCmRMFcntIXa5A7Wq4GObvQF2tdl4ANwxc7-hOGZS1heEVo-6g4G-t6r-zgMV_TjPgsPAY60iSzaQc/s320/DSC_0077.JPG" width="320" /></a><br />
<br />
I was adamant about not celebrating my birthday. My SIL would not listen though. She said we had to do something, even if she had to drag me kicking. :) I told her I wanted to go to a shooting range. For eight months, I have been dealing with a myriad of emotions. I wanted to finally give in to the anger and frustration and go shooting. <br />
But as I stepped into the range and put the gun in my hand, I knew that I could not shoot in anger. Damond would never have wanted me to pick up a gun in anger. (I am pretty sure that is a NO! NO! in the Farar's Gun Safety Rules)
<br />
I decided in that moment that in my 31st year of life, I will learn to do
what I/we had depended on Damond to do. I will learn to protect and provide for
us. But, it must be done with strength given to us by our Savior and Heavenly Father. We are not alone! We will move forward with faith and not with anger. <br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf8LJKMNW4UXjz0q2ydgWt_tDxlkscl2Y_lUsI-pjTw-5JM6oV8Hu2IdeiHk_ABDCQI1WE_6rZZq-e42TDvdJCSmcAe0bg9dqbl7jbo69LNtiC_TZOgdyzeSWSrJPeERGwMKDvNsfIoic/s1600/DSC_0019.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf8LJKMNW4UXjz0q2ydgWt_tDxlkscl2Y_lUsI-pjTw-5JM6oV8Hu2IdeiHk_ABDCQI1WE_6rZZq-e42TDvdJCSmcAe0bg9dqbl7jbo69LNtiC_TZOgdyzeSWSrJPeERGwMKDvNsfIoic/s320/DSC_0019.JPG" width="320" /></a><br />
(After some instruction from Isaac, my shots were getting more accurate ;) )<br />
<br />
A day I dreaded, turned into something special as my phone was flooded with
texts and phone calls. I was sent messages all day long, they encouraged me to
keep going. I received countless acts of love on our
behalf. It is a blessing to feel so much love. <br />
<br />
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong>My deepest thanks to our Family and Friends!!!</strong></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong></strong> </div>
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</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The Balloon Release on 'A' Mountain<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442360508221068306.post-47308165738969634852013-08-10T00:20:00.001-07:002013-08-10T07:03:38.612-07:00Empty Hand- 8/9/2003<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZvufRFfiTXkIj2-8ShwT9uF6wfDmKRLSyDrDbZ6Zq4eSoe4p6rgS7v9gn9dOtNK_PI9pYF57QLwnk6HyBcL7NU6ELi0Y5UbSbwqua51saI8GirSmxBgyn1Gt4tQRCr50MbWCrhtCxfMM/s1600/Dating+Pictures+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="191" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZvufRFfiTXkIj2-8ShwT9uF6wfDmKRLSyDrDbZ6Zq4eSoe4p6rgS7v9gn9dOtNK_PI9pYF57QLwnk6HyBcL7NU6ELi0Y5UbSbwqua51saI8GirSmxBgyn1Gt4tQRCr50MbWCrhtCxfMM/s320/Dating+Pictures+2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Remember our 2 year Anniversary?<br />
Remember how you FORGOT our <i>2</i> year Anniversary? <br />
Remember how my mother had to remind you?<br />
Remember how I was waiting for you?<br />
And you were playing Xbox with Diego?<br />
Remember, how I wanted/should have been really mad?<br />
But I forgave you. <br />
<br />
Remember our 3 year Anniversary? <br />
You made Katie Theile responsible for helping you remember our Anniversary? ;)<br />
But I still loved you.<br />
<br />
Remember our 6 year Anniversary?<br />
Remember how you FORGOT?<br />
AGAIN?!<br />
Until my sister called to remind you?<br />
Remember how I waited all day for you to realize you had done it, AGAIN? <br />
But I forgave you, because I love you!<br />
<br />
Remember how last year you asked me what I wanted for our anniversary. <br />
Remember what I said?<br />
Remember I said, "I want you to hold my hand when we go places instead of walking so far ahead of me?" <br />
Remember our conversation about how you feel like you have so little time and need to rush?<br />
Remember I said, "but I cannot keep up with you, so please hold my hand, and DON'T RUSH."<br />
Remember you said you would, "Try" (with a smile)<br />
<br />
Apparently, you don't REMEMBER!<br />
Remember it's our 10 year?<br />
Remember you were supposed to be holding my hand?<br />
But you are not! You rushed on ahead without me!<br />
Sometimes it's really hard to forgive you for that, but I do. <br />
Because I love you!<br />
<br />
I rewrote Taylor Swifts "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvN7BOAQn9I">Ronan</a>"<br />
I ran many miles with this song, <br />
but please <i>remember, </i>song writer I am not :)<br />
<br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I remember your big smile and awesome laugh<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I remember an amazing dad<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">wrestling on the kitchen floor, playing football<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I love you to the moon and back<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I remember your sweet eyes looking into mine<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Like we had our own secret club<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I remember us laughing before bed time<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then breakfast in bed, waking me up<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can still feel you hold my hand, Damond<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And even the moment I knew<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You were the one for me for all time<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Remember I leaned in and whispered to you<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Come on baby with me, we’re gonna fly away from here<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You were my best ten years<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I remember the drive home<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When the blind shock turned to crying and thinking, “why?”<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Flowers pile up in the worst way, no one knows what to
say<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">about a beautiful man who died<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And it’s about to be graduation<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You could be anything you wanted if you were still here<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I remember the last day when I kissed your face<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I whispered in your ear<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Come on baby with me we're gonna fly away from here<br />
Out of this curtain room and this hospital grey, we'll just disappear<br />
Come on baby with me we're gonna fly away from here<br />
You were my best ten years<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></span><span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">What if I'm standing in our closet trying to talk to you?<br />
What if I kept the stethoscope you won’t ever use ?<br />
And what if I really thought some miracle would see us through?<br />
What if the miracle was even getting one moment with you?<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Come on baby with me we're gonna fly away from here<br />
Come on baby with me we're gonna fly away from here<br />
You were my best ten years<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></span><span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I remember your big smile and awesome laugh<br />
I love you to the moon and back</span></span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxwdsRMrbd1PCTEuTI24Cy4Hw5GZVJw_c7N7slJfIQD9OsicN5PEwTr2VZOUfSR2DZJyn5y4jbgoeJIt5vO7pmnLA3p_tRMAw5RA5fDKsE8IgRmkwFnRP4geri1Kh5sI7YI8Su0J5PAkI/s1600/Dating+Pictures.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxwdsRMrbd1PCTEuTI24Cy4Hw5GZVJw_c7N7slJfIQD9OsicN5PEwTr2VZOUfSR2DZJyn5y4jbgoeJIt5vO7pmnLA3p_tRMAw5RA5fDKsE8IgRmkwFnRP4geri1Kh5sI7YI8Su0J5PAkI/s320/Dating+Pictures.jpg" width="177" /></a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442360508221068306.post-82598205437050431192013-06-13T11:07:00.002-07:002013-06-13T11:07:33.687-07:00VIVIRVivir con miedo es como vivir a medias.<br />
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(To live with fear is a life half lived)<br />
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This is a quote I have always remembered from that really strange movie 'Strictly Ballroom'. <br />
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It's always stuck with me, because I have continually tried to lead my life without letting fear stop me from achieving my goals and when I met you, I felt like this was something we could to do together. <br />
<br />
The boys and I are about to start our "Great Trip" to Calgary. I was trying to explain to Marty why I felt fear about this trip. I have never felt fear when planning a trip. We loved traveling. Our "next trip" was usually what kept me going as you studied and studied. But this time around I feel fear. We are going to see some amazing sights. I hope the boys can see the beauty of the earth and be reminded of you and a loving Heavenly Father. <br />
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I have felt more fear since you passed than I ever remember feeling. I fear that I won't be able to raise our boys the way we had planned. I fear that I am not adequate enough for the job of being mother and father to them. I fear living without you by my side. <br />
But as I thought about our trip, I realized that I feared the pain of not having you with us on this journey, the pain I/we have been dealing with the last five months. <br />
I can picture you with Alex as you teach him to build the fire for camping. <br />
I can picture you jumping into the waves with your "twist and fall backwards into the wave" move<br />
I can picture you just being amazed at the grandness of the Redwood National Park, Crater Lake, and Banff National Park. <br />
I can picture you wanting to figure out some way for us to get into the NIKE Campus. :)<br />
I can picture your excitement as you say, "let's see who can spot Grandpa's barn first" <br />
I can picture you wrestling with Pete and the boys in the river you loved.<br />
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But unfortunately, these are just in my head. My heart will break every time we encounter these "should have been pictures" It will take many miles for me to get used to being the pilot in our lives. <br />
So, I NEED to go on this trip. Each day I have the choice to just turn and face the wall and never get up or I can remember that quote. I want the boys to be able to look back and see that although we are faced with difficult trials we still need to live life to the fullest without FEAR!<br />
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I miss being your co-pilot. So, I have made you mine. <br />
<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442360508221068306.post-58459357067978036442013-05-31T02:10:00.000-07:002013-05-31T02:10:15.992-07:00Flying FreeI woke up six months ago, on November 30th, with a smile on my face. Damond teased me there were only a couple of hours left until we would be in my beloved Phoenix. HOME, I was so excited to return home. Our plan: Travel to Phoenix and stay there for over a month. Damond would fly in and out for several interviews, while the boys and I would enjoy the sun, warmth, friends and family.<br />
The icing on the cake? It was Damond's vacation month. He was basically done with all the requirements of 4th year. Once he finished interviewing, we would be coasting to graduation.<br />
I got out of bed ready to finish all the last minute packing details and finish cleaning. Damond always gave me a hard time for wanting the house to be spotless before leaving on a trip. I would tell him, "you never know, someone might need to come in the house or borrow something while we are gone." (or in my case, pack your whole house) We decided the boys would go half day to school and we would pick them up on our way to the airport. We decided to go check in the bags while they were at school. Packing for a month long trip for five people is not easy. A weakness of mine? I am not a good packer! We usually fly Southwest because, "2 bags fly free" :) I usually maximize on that to the heaviest extent possible. Damond gave the curbside check in guy a really good tip. This is something he always did. He knew how important earning tips were. We lived off tips for several years and he was grateful for that money. I don't really remember too many other details from that morning.<br />
I woke up six months ago, on November 30, not knowing I would never return HOME. I wish I would have cherished that "feeling of HOME" a little longer. You see, for the last five months all I have wanted to do is return HOME, but I have no idea where that is. Indianapolis and Phoenix both no longer feel <span style="text-align: center;">like HOME. I am on a never ending vacation gone bad. Until I realized that </span><br />
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HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS</div>
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I struggle, because half of my heart is in heaven, and the other half is held by my three, beautiful boys. I am not really sure how to create a HOME without him. In fact, that HOME is a tender memory in my heart. The boys and I will have to be strong to define a new meaning of HOME. </div>
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So, the boys and I will continue to "vacation" until we find the peace that enables us to find HOME. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442360508221068306.post-44526784672684191722013-05-29T00:22:00.001-07:002013-05-29T00:22:34.059-07:00Carry YouFIVE MONTHS<br />
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______________________________________<br />
<br />
"See You Again" - Carrie Underwood<br />
[Chorus]<br />I’ll See you again, oh<br />This is not where it ends<br />I will carry you with me, oh<br />Till I see you again<br /><br />I can hear those echoes in the wind at night<br />Calling me back in time<br />Back to you<br />In a place far away<br />Where the water meets the sky<br />The thought of it makes me smile<br />You are my tomorrow<br /><br />I’ll See you again, oh<br />This is not where it ends<br />I will carry you with me, oh<br />Till I see you again<br />
<br />Sometimes I feel my heart is breaking<br />But I stay strong and I hold on cause I know<br />I’ll see you again, oh<br />This is not where it ends<br />I will carry you with me, yeah yeah<br /><br /><br />I’ll See you again, oh<br />This is not where it ends<br />I will carry you with me, oh<br />Till I see you again<br />Till I see you again,<br />Till I see you again,<br />Said goodbye turned around<br />And you were gone, gone, gone.<br />
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(hiking Camelback Jan. 1, 2004)</div>
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I heard this song the night of Thomas' Baptism (between the emotions of that day/event and the lyrics, I became a mess!) <br />
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Each night I go to bed thinking, "I don't think I can handle this anymore. I don't think I can go another day without talking to him/seeing him/holding him." But inevitably, the sun still comes up every morning. And with that sunrise, the thought that although <br />
"my heart is breaking,<br />
I stay strong and I hold on cause I know<br />
I'll see you again, oh<br />
This is not where it ends!<br />
I will carry you with me!"<br />
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(Hiking Camelback Dec. 24, 2012)</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442360508221068306.post-54246797864364437592013-05-03T23:28:00.000-07:002013-05-03T23:28:03.111-07:00The Simple AnswerIt's been 4 months. <br />
For the last four months, people have continually asked me, "how are you doing?" and then proceed to apologize for that question. I would always answer, "I'm ok." <br />
I really don't mind people asking me that question, as I know that people love and care. <br />
Unfortunately, the answer is a little too complicated. So, I answer, "ok." I explain that "ok" an average between the "awful, my life has turned into a nightmare" moments and the "wow! I cannot believe how how blessed we are moments." <br />
Almost a month ago, I ran Color Me Rad with Yuma. Several members of Damonds' Family put together a team. Returning to Yuma is obviously hard for me. But remember, I decided to fight! So, when asked if I wanted to sign-up, I decided that although difficult, it would ultimately make me stronger. I knew I would still be training for the half marathon and that a 10K would fit my training schedule better.<br />
I had no idea that it would not be the mileage that would almost bring me down, but the mental and emotional marathon I have been running for the last couple of months. <br />
Again, I have been asked how my race went. The simple answer is "ok". <br />
Here is the complicated answer:<br />
It was fun getting ready to run the race with Damond's family. But like always there is always that gaping hole where Damond should be. I try to push it aside, but it follows me like a constant shadow. As I entered the race area I was slammed by a flood of memories, joyful family memories. The race begins near a river beach where we would bring the boys. We would play with cousins and Damond and his brothers would come up with different kinds of rock skipping competitions. Memories like those are moments that actually have meaning.<br />
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Everyone was having a good time and I was trying to stay in positive spirits and stay in the zone, but I kept getting pulled back to memories like that and why we could no longer make those memories with Damond. Most of my runs are similar in it's a constant battle between my brain and my heart.<br />
I began the race bouncing from one joyful memory to another, longing to see/feel/hold/touch Damond. And this is where it gets complicated...<br />
As my heart tries so hard to grasp the impossibility that the Damond of flesh and blood is no longer here with us, my brain counterattacks with its own factual memories.<br />
Me, kneeling on the cold kitchen floor holding onto an enormous hand that will not grasp mine back<br />
pleading, crying "Thomas, Alex, Jacob. Please stay for them. Thomas, Alex, Jacob. Please don't leave us. Thomas, Alex, Jacob. They need you! I need you"<br />
A cold, sterile hospital room praying fervently for a miracle, but hearing, "I'm sorry, but he didn't make it.<br />
Walking the longest hallway of my life, on legs that had absolutely no strength of their own. <br />
Feeling my arms were inadequate for the three beautiful boys that were crying with a sorrow that still haunts me to this day<br />
Each step becomes staggering as these images flash through my mind, but my heart, ever the fighter, rallies back.<br />
We are an Eternal Family! Damond loves us! Our dear Savior, Jesus Christ made it possible for us to see Damond again!<br />
But unfortunately, the halfway mark of the race was the Castle Park.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwbZIRAv5Pb6v2HF0mO2xlhSTxRBU5nFP3yrjxiRZnLhLQ63RAGOB2mhVrBTFB-FJlYNdCtyPLrYz88Y8D7FjAnrCmW6IQFuEjaEhM4EoVkcNuoUdA8oCM6tt50MoXPRis8snoGI06JD0/s1600/December+2012+705.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwbZIRAv5Pb6v2HF0mO2xlhSTxRBU5nFP3yrjxiRZnLhLQ63RAGOB2mhVrBTFB-FJlYNdCtyPLrYz88Y8D7FjAnrCmW6IQFuEjaEhM4EoVkcNuoUdA8oCM6tt50MoXPRis8snoGI06JD0/s320/December+2012+705.JPG" width="320" /></a> </div>
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(last picture I have of Damond, in green shirt at Castle Park)</div>
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The same park we visited with the boys and cousins the day before Damond died. The memories begin floating and the battle with my brain begins anew.<br />
I runaway from the battle zone, in search of peace, but instead I find the finish line. I cannot approach a finish line without thinking of Damond. He and the boys cheered for me as I finished my first half marathon.
This time, as I crossed the Finish Line, our song (from out wedding)
began to play, "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tf7Tf-BE-w">Forever and For Always"</a> by Shania Twain. As others partied across the finish line, it was my undoing. But I realized that although, no longer "in his arms, I am keeping him forever and for always."<br />
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I was disappointed in my time, but I reminded myself that when you are in mental and emotional warfare, it can't really be about time. It's a little too complicated for that.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442360508221068306.post-33009921835475227762013-04-05T03:08:00.001-07:002013-04-05T03:20:47.155-07:00Proof of Heaven<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">(Damond and his Grandpa July 2012)</span></div>
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The last book Damond had been reading was his Cardiology book. <br />
Ironic? Yes!<br />
Coincidence? No. I do believe there was a reason, other than to prepare for his next rotation.<br />
Fitting? Yes! It shows who Damond was and how hard he studied and worked to become a doctor. <br />
<br />
He finished taking his board exams (Step 2) the second week of November. He took a couple weeks off from studying to focus on his residency interviews. But he kept insisting that he needed to get the study guide for the next board exams (Step 3) he would take NEXT year. And I kept insisting that he did NOT need to start studying (during our vacation month) for a test he would take NEXT year.<br />
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He appeased me for a few days, before he finally insisted he needed some kind of book during down time, you know, like stop lights. Each time I picked him up from the airport from an interview, he had a new book. <br />
<br />
Well, the last book he finished reading was called, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Proof-Heaven-Neurosurgeons-Journey-Afterlife/dp/1451695195/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1365153610&sr=8-1&keywords=proof+of+heaven">"Proof of Heaven" by Eben Alexander M.D.</a><br />
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<em>(It's about a neurosurgeon, who is more science minded than religious, but then has a near death experience, while in a coma.) </em></div>
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Ironic: Yes!<br />
Coincidence? No! I know there was a reason. I had to read it to find the answer.<br />
Fitting? Yes. Obviously!<br />
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I found this book to be very interesting, but I kept wondering why this would have been the last book Damond would finish. I found my answer at the end of this book. <br />
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The author shares a poem he found on the back of a photograph. <br />
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"When Tomorrow Starts Without Me" David M. Romano<br />
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When tomorrow starts without me, and I’m not there to see,<br />
If the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me;<br />
I wish so much you wouldn’t cry the way you did today,<br />
while thinking of the many things we didn’t get to say.<br />
I know how much you care for me, and how much I care for you,<br />
and each time that you think of me I know you’ll miss me too;<br />
But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand,<br />
that an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand,<br />
and said my place was ready in heaven far above,<br />
and that I’d have to leave behind all those I dearly love.<br />
<br />
But as I turned to walk away, a tear fell from my eye,<br />
for all life, I’d always thought I didn’t want to die.<br />
I had so much to live for and so much yet to do.<br />
it seemed almost impossible that I was leaving you.<br />
I thought of all the love we shared and all the fun we had.<br />
If I could relive yesterday, I thought, just for a while,<br />
I’d say goodbye and hug you and maybe see you smile.<br />
But then I fully realised that this could never be,<br />
for emptiness and memories would take the place of me.<br />
And when I thought of worldly things that I’d miss come tomorrow.<br />
I thought of you, and when I did, my heart was filled with sorrow.<br />
But when I walked through Heaven’s gates, I felt so much at home.<br />
When God looked down and smiled at me, from His great golden throne,<br />
He said, "This is eternity and all I’ve promised you,<br />
Today your life on earth is past but here it’s starts anew.<br />
I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last.<br />
and since each day’s the same, there’s no longing for the past.<br />
But you have been so faithful, so trusting, so true.<br />
Though there were times you did some things you knew you shouldn’t do.<br />
And you have been forgiven and now at last you’re free.<br />
So won’t you come and take my hand and share my life with me?"<br />
<br />
So when tomorrow starts without me, don’t think we’re far apart,<br />
for every time you think of me, please know I’m in your heart.<br />
<br />
<br />
I started reading this book after finding it in his backpack a week or so after his death. <br />
It took me awhile to finish it, because I didn't want to finish the last book he had finished. <br />
When I picked it up to finish reading it this poem was on the very next page. <br />
<br />
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Ironic? Who needs irony during such a tender moment?</div>
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Coincidence? No! Another Tender Mercy.</div>
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Fitting? Yes!</div>
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I will forever remember the first time I read this poem and how I could almost hear Damond's voice, reciting it to me.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442360508221068306.post-79819200207447600742013-03-30T01:28:00.001-07:002013-03-30T01:28:20.033-07:00Match Day! It's Hard to Believe...<div style="text-align: center;">
It's hard to believe that Match Day has come and gone. </div>
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Match Day was two weeks ago, March 15th.</div>
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It's hard to believe that I spent it in Tucson. </div>
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I should have been in Indiana </div>
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with Damond</div>
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on a stage somewhere, </div>
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announcing that we received our first pick</div>
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The Mayo Clinic, Anesthesiology.</div>
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Instead, we met up with good friends from Indiana</div>
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in Wildcat Territory</div>
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It's hard to believe that this was us, almost four years ago. </div>
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We had no clue what we were getting ourselves into. </div>
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We are so grateful we added one more handsome boy to this family.</div>
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We were asked several times what advice we would give someone thinking of going into Medical school. Damond and I would look at each other, smile and say, "don't do it!" </div>
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We are not the only med students to joke like this. In fact, it's only half joke. It's also part truth.</div>
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Damond would often say, "I knew med school was going to be hard, but I really had no idea it would be this hard."</div>
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I remember celebrating after the White Coat Ceremony. I am sure that we talked about Match Day. </div>
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It seemed so far away. </div>
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I am sure that we thought we would match in Arizona.</div>
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Having just moved away from AZ two weeks prior, we/I was eager to get back. </div>
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<br /></div>
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It's hard to believe that I am back in Arizona, but not because we matched here. </div>
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It's hard to believe that the one in the white coat is no longer with us!</div>
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It's hard to believe it has been three months, as of Thursday.</div>
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It's been 91 days, since I last talked to Damond. </div>
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<br /></div>
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On the three month anniversary of his passing</div>
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it was the 10 year anniversary of our first date as a couple. </div>
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It was the night we became the Duct Tape Duo. </div>
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We went to a dance. I came up with our costume idea.</div>
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Friends helped us make our really cool duct tape capes. </div>
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At the time, I had no idea Damond was a Duct Tape Master. </div>
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See, we were meant to be, right? ;) </div>
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</div>
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We had such a fun night. After the dance, we walked Mill Avenue Bridge.</div>
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We talked for a LONG time and he told me all about his family. </div>
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I told him I would really like to meet them. </div>
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He said, "well, would you like to meet all of them tomorrow? </div>
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My brother is having his wedding reception and I would like you to come with me."</div>
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Ten years ago today, I met "The Farar Family!" </div>
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My life was never the same. :)</div>
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They have been such a blessing to my life! </div>
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But,<strong> It's still hard to believe</strong> we are no longer a Duo and that Match Day really never was! </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442360508221068306.post-23122135882710012162013-03-11T02:04:00.000-07:002013-03-11T02:04:44.478-07:002/28/2013, Year of the Coward?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I began the 28th of February knowing it was the two month Anniversary. We came down to Tucson the night before to prepare for the boys first cardiology appointment. I was stressed to the max trying to find out answers about Damond's passing. Nightmares were increasing. So, although I was sad to wake up, I was excited to finally go over all the information with the Cardiologist and get my boys checked out. I decided that for the first visit, it would be better to take only Thomas and not all three of the rascals :) We were given the recommendation of this doctor by a friend of ours and he was awesome! Right away he talked to Thomas and helped him feel included and comfortable. Thomas was so scared of having an ECG and Echo done, but he was a champ! Dr. Klewer had several med students with him throughout our visit. When we were taken back to get the tests done, a medical student was helping the technician. He was similar to Damond's size (not nearly as tough, but that is really hard to duplicate ;). Anyways, I started to ask him questions and it turns out he is also a fourth year med student. He wants to do Anesthesiology and he had interviewed at some of the same places as Damond. His brother just moved to Indianapolis and works at Riley as a Pediatrician! These days, no matter where we are, it's a small world!</div>
Thomas' results came back wonderful! Just what I hoped to hear, "his heart is normal and looks healthy!" ... for now. I know, I know! Positive thinking. But a good relationship with our cardiologist is part of our new normal. They will continue to monitor them and make sure they are healthy.<br />
As we left the office, I felt the weight on at least one of my shoulders lighten considerably! I can even remember thinking, "hmm, Tucson is not that bad. Maybe I can even start to like U of A a little bit?... nah!!!" :) I felt so much better and was looking forward to a better nights rest.<br />
Unfortunately, as I packed up our car to head home, my mom called to let me know my grandma had passed away. Once again, I didn't get to say good-bye. It was not necessarily unexpected, but we had all come to think that maybe she would outlive us all! As I got off the phone with my mom, I knew I was going to have to tell the boys about her passing. The deep dark abyss that began to encircle me as I heard the words, "I am sorry, but he didn't make it" crept close once again. The fear of telling the kids, the awful, painful emotions I felt two months prior came rushing back. I had to get away. I didn't want the kids to see me so upset, again. Luckily, Jenny and Hal were there to watch my kids. I knew they were in good hands and having fun with cousins.<br />
More than anything I wanted to distract my mind. Keep it from reaching out to the dark abyss. But I also, felt the need to visit a Catholic church, as my grandmother had been a devout Catholic woman her whole life. A friend told me where to go. I sat in this Catholic church for hours. I thought about the many memories with my grandma, but I mostly relived the last two months, over and over again. I thought about our new normal and pondered what our future might bring.<br />
As the time passed, the fear of causing the kids more pain, kept me in the pew. I hadn't eaten in over 30 hrs and not even my growling stomach propelled me forward. I just kept praying for the courage to do what I needed to do. And that's when it hit me. I AM NOT A COWARD! I have never been a coward. Everyone says it's ok to grieve "this way" and "that way." But not me! I am not ok with the fear that affects everyday decisions. Damond and I were go-getters! We fought for his dream of becoming a doctor and he made it!<br />
I am a fighter! Birthdays, holidays, milestones, and LIFE will be hard without him. But I don't want to look back at 2013 and think I did it all wrong. These events will be tough, but I want to know that I faced them head-on. There will still be tears and sadness, but the day will come to an end and I want it to have been spent the way we would have if Damond were still with us.<br />
As I rebuild my heart, I want to make sure that my heart has changed in a positive manner. I don't want to build walls around my heart, in hopes that it won't break again. Each day is a blessing and LOVE is a fundamental part of our existence here on earth. We are here to LOVE ONE ANOTHER!<br />
I am a fighter! I want to make sure the boys and I continue to do the things we loved to do as the D6 Farar family. Some of the sweetest memories of our time in Indiana were our dinner prep dance parties. Dad would come home from school and join us. Memories like this are painful, but they are also joyful. The fighter in me will make sure that JOY wins!<br />
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2013 was supposed to be graduation year, </div>
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but now, </div>
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I will make sure it is the Year of the Fighter!</div>
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2002- Not sure why I look so white :)</div>
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Aguí's Funeral 2013</div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442360508221068306.post-12642378712815900932013-02-26T00:49:00.001-07:002013-02-26T00:49:06.069-07:00Some shoes and a SurgeonDear boys,<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgopxraYHZ61y9V0qX7uZR3aYc0JB0P6mowW2z41dR2iN4kr9vU0BZJnIHAlC3rwCriGnF27ZsZZLaOA1PgbUQJKl9K4Xia1R1k_kTEWqTBw9fD15mmoVeDbROyacvvju21Zo30Gvg8UU8/s1600/DSC01019.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgopxraYHZ61y9V0qX7uZR3aYc0JB0P6mowW2z41dR2iN4kr9vU0BZJnIHAlC3rwCriGnF27ZsZZLaOA1PgbUQJKl9K4Xia1R1k_kTEWqTBw9fD15mmoVeDbROyacvvju21Zo30Gvg8UU8/s320/DSC01019.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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A couple of months ago, a lady from AZ made national news. She was vacationing in New York, when she witnessed a tender scene between a police officer and a homeless man. She captured on her camera how he gave the man a new pair of shoes. <br />
Well, that story brought back a memory of your dad...<br />
Many years ago, we were still studying at ASU and your dad worked at the Marriott. Well, he came running through the house. I asked what was wrong. He said, "nothing, I just need my church shoes." He grabbed them and I heard his truck take off, again. Fifteen minutes later, he came back home and explained the following:<br />
"As I was driving home from work, I saw a homeless man pushing a cart on the sidewalk. I went and got him some McDonalds. When I gave it to him, I asked him if there was anything else I could get him." The homeless person answered, "do you have any shoes?" "I have the shoes on my feet, do you want them?" The homeless person asked to look at them and then turned them down. He said, "sneakers wear through, too fast." <br />
Your dad then told me that as he drove away, he thought of his church shoes, Doc Martens that had lasted his whole mission. He hurried back to try and give them to the homeless man, but could no longer find him.<br />
As your dad related this story to me I couldn't believe he was going to give away his shoes. We were poor students and it took us a couple of months to save up for shoes at the time. But the more I thought about it, I knew that is exactly what your dad would do. He never passed a person in need. Be it a homeless person on the corner or a stranded motorist on the side of the road. It didn't matter if he had time or not or if he was wearing the right clothes. <br />
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<strong></strong> </div>
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<strong>Your dad always served those in need. </strong></div>
<br />
For some reason another memory of your dad keeps coming to mind. <br />
During your dad's surgical rotation, he worked under a surgeon that was not very nice. Your dad told me that sometimes surgeons have playlists they like to play in their operating room. Well, this surgeon decided that instead of quizzing your dad on medical knowledge he was going to quiz him on music. Anytime a new song came on, he would ask your dad, "who sings this?" Your dad never knew the answer. Each time he would answer, "I don't know," the surgeon would make fun of him to the rest of the OR team. After several "I don't know's" the surgeon finally asked him, "what do you listen to?" Your dad answered, "I don't know. I mostly listen to the Disney channel with my kids." <br />
Your dad didn't care if he wasn't looking cool to the surgeon. He was confident in himself and the knowledge he was supposed to be quizzed on. <br />
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<strong>Your dad remained "steadfast and immovable", even when others were mocking him. </strong></div>
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<strong>Don't forget the example of your amazing dad!</strong></div>
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Love you always,</div>
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Mom</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442360508221068306.post-54177826073308015312013-02-25T00:45:00.002-07:002013-02-25T01:00:58.069-07:00TWO and JOYDamond,<br />
<br />
After your funeral, I pleaded with Heavenly Father to not make me go to another funeral for at least... 20 years. Ok, so I know this was an unreasonable request, but I really did not expect to attend another funeral so soon. Especially, for our friend Pete, who was also 31! <br />
<br />
I have a hard time understanding why Heavenly Father needed ONE, let alone, TWO amazing, strong (in spirit and body) kind, 31 year old men with amazing smiles that befriended everyone they knew. <br />
<br />
You were both outstanding disciples of Christ, ready to serve your fellowmen. That is the one clue I have. <br />
<br />
Many times over the last two weeks, I have pictured the reunion the two of you might have shared. I picture a strong hug, two dazzling smiles, maybe you told him when the next basketball game was to be played, and you thanking him. I hope you thanked him for coming to see me at the house. He told me how shocked and sorry he was to hear of your passing. Sincere words of empathy, as he had lost his father and stepfather in his teen years. He offered to help in any way needed and reminded me that he was always nearby. It meant so much to me!<br />
<br />
Like yours, it was a beautiful service. Many sweet memories were shared of Pete. Beautiful and uplifting messages were shared. <br />
<br />
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">(Boston May 2012)</span></div>
<br />
The part that was my undoing was when they talked about Pete and his dad. Pete's grandmother was quoted as saying, "Pete was always happiest when he was with his dad. He is happy now." <br />
I know that to be true of our boys as well. Oh, how they loved to be with you! Their squeals of excitement when they would hear your key in the door, their laughter when you would do the guitar tickle on them, sweaty football games in the living room, and how eagerly they looked forward to any outing with you! <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">(Hillary Weeks, Just Let Me Cry) </span><br />
<br />
"sometimes life sends a storm that’s unexpected, <br />
and we’re forced to face our deepest pain…<br />
at times the hurt inside grows stronger<br />
And there’s nothing I can do but let it out…<br />
So Just let me cry<br />
Till every tear has fallen<br />
Don’t ask when, Don’t ask why<br />
Just let me cry.<br />
I have felt JOY, the kind that makes my heart want to sing.<br />
So, my tears are not a surrender. I'll feel that way again. <br />
But for now, for this moment, just let me cry. "<br />
<br />
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Thank you for the JOY you brought to our lives,<br />
AdrianaAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442360508221068306.post-86087415384991951932013-02-22T01:04:00.001-07:002013-02-22T07:05:45.775-07:00Coincidence? Damond,<br />
<br />
There are so many times, when I think, "man, I wish I could pick up the phone and tell you/or ask you?..." <br />
<br />
The other day, Barbara and I decided we were going to do a girls outing. I told myself that I totally deserve some pampering ;) j/k But, I was really just hoping that maybe for a couple of minutes, maybe an hour, I could forget and push away all my thoughts and feelings. That I could not feel like an old widow in a young person's body. I feel really old these days, but then I think about how my grandmother is almost 103 and that means I could, potentially, have 73 years left to live! <br />
<br />
But as I sat in the chair, I realized it is impossible not to think about you and everything else. I just wanted to ask Barbara cardiology questions, but I refrained myself. Mainly, because I didn't want to explain to the ladies that were taking care of us. <br />
At one point, I asked the lady where she was from. She told me she was a military kid and mainly grew up in Germany, but right before high school her father was transferred to YUMA. (?! What are the chances?!) I asked where she went to high school and she said, "Kofa." ?! (what are the chances?) she seemed 10 to 15 years older than me, so I asked her if her principal had been Danny Farar. "Yes." and without thinking I said, "that is my husband's father." to which she asked, "oh, how old is your husband?" I considererd lying, so I wouldn't have to tell her and start crying. But I didn't and I told her of your passing and I did cry, for a second. or two. She told me she only had to go see your dad, once. :) <br />
<br />
See? if I could call you, I would have walked out of there and called you first thing. What are the chances? We picked a random groupon, a random salon, and because I got there before Barbara, this lady was the one to help me. <br />
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Coincedence? </div>
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No, there have been too many instances, lately, that assure me we are being watched over. </div>
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Forever and for Always,<br />
Adriana<br />
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PS We miss you! We miss your arms! We miss your hugs! We miss your laugh!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442360508221068306.post-84092627819809390212013-02-20T23:28:00.001-07:002013-02-20T23:28:53.118-07:00ForeshadowingDear Boys, <br />
<br />
Several weeks ago, I decided to sign up to run several races. I wanted to run them in honor of your dad, even though he HATED running, unless he had a football or b- ball in his hands. <br />
I knew that running was going to help me and goals would keep me going. <br />
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I had my first race on Saturday. Josie and I ran <strong><a href="http://susanmturley.org/">Susan's Run</a></strong>. Susan was a beautiful friend of mine. Your dad and I admired her parents so much! Like your dad, she also passed away much too early.<br />
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As we lined up to start the race I turned on my iPod. The first song to play was <br />
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My Pretty Little Adriana by Vince Gill</div>
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Your dad and I had just started dating. We left the computer commons around midnight and as we were both turning left to get on the freeway, he yelled, "listen to this song"</div>
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Which he then, also began to sing. We played it at our wedding. </div>
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It always brought a smile to my face to hear him sing me this song.</div>
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It seems to fit now more than it did before.</div>
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As I ran the race, I realized that my journey with running and racing, is not really about time.</div>
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I am running to help us find peace with our new normal. </div>
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I am running to find joy. </div>
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I am running to become the mom you boys need me to be.</div>
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As I came around the last corner of the race,</div>
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Unchained Melody by the Righteous Brothers </div>
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began to play. </div>
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Your dad and I were at a dance. We had only spoken a couple of times. </div>
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Your dad had been keeping to the sidelines, even though I saw several girls try to catch his eye. </div>
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I was busy dancing when your dad came over and asked me to dance.</div>
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This song was playing. </div>
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This is the song from Ghost.</div>
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If my story were a book,</div>
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this is what you would call foreshadowing. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442360508221068306.post-45773373248998938632013-02-19T23:18:00.000-07:002013-02-19T23:18:14.704-07:00A Mother's GratitudeThe absolute hardest thing about this experience is not the loss of my bestfriend, my companion in all things, but to see my children in pain over the loss of their dad.<br />
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I, Adriana, mother of Thomas, wants to thank the kind, generous soul that put a smile on my son's face.<br />
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We have been surrounded by so much love. </div>
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So many people have gone above and beyond </div>
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to help us in so many different ways. </div>
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Not a day goes by that love and service is not extended to us in some form...</div>
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be it prayers, messages, invites, delicious food and treats, helping me</div>
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Last week, my plan had been to ignore Valentine's Day...</div>
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but all week long, especially the day of, </div>
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acts of love kept appearing at our doorstep. </div>
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Alex exclaimed, "This is the best day ever!" </div>
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Every time I see a smile of pure joy on my children's faces</div>
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a piece of my heart mends.</div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15953926334439539030noreply@blogger.com5